MIRACLES. . . THATS MY GOD!

A few weeks ago a good friend of mine from Cahokia, IL. where I used to live and go to church, sent me an email asking for prayers for her Pastor. When I lived there he was the Associate Pastor, and now he is pastoring the church. Anyway, it was a possibility that he had brain cancer. The doctors had located a growth and thought it was possibly a tumor. They would be running tests and determining if it was cancer. SO we went to prayer! =)This morning I got an update and GOD IS SO GREAT! Of course there is no cancer, it has turned out to be a cyst. But that is not the absolutely AMAZING thing!! When they did a scan of his brain they found that the back half of his brain is NOT THERE! The space is filled with water. It turns out that when he was in his mother's womb he had a flash stroke and it affected the development of his brain. Here is the amazing part. . . the doctors cannot figure out how he can SEE! The part of the brain that controls sight is GONE! He should have been born blind!

Psalm 139:13 (Amplified Bible)For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother's womb.

Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa! GOD CONFOUNDS THE WISE YET AGAIN!

NOT SO RANDOM THOUGHTS. . .

Written November 26, 2008

This morning I was cleaning a customer's house, the kitchen more specifically, and I could hear the mom reprimanding her two young sons for fighting. I think the boys are about 8 and 6 years old. I smiled when I clearly heard one of them turn on the water works to try to drum up some pity, while the other one blamed his little brother for ALL of it and tried to make himself come out smelling like a rose. I listened as the mother sternly and clearly talked with the boys about playing together and the importance of forgiveness when the disagreements do occur, and she gave them some simple guidelines to help them to work out their disagreements before they blow up into a fight. I stood there frozen in time, looking around the kitchen at their half empty cereal bowls on the counter, the lone soccer cleat hidden under the breakfast bar along with a few baseball cards and the dog's chew toy. . .the art work they had done at school proudly on display in various parts of the kitchen, and an array of notes, permission slips, and anouncements of holiday happenings they had brought home scattered on the counter top. This was a familiar place to me. Not this house, but this scene, and it seems as though it was just yesterday. My boys art work was hanging on the refrigerator, their sports shoes and equipment finding it's place everywhere but in the mud room where it belonged, and the bickering and fighting that even the closest of brothers do at that age. . .at any age. I thought to myself in amazement, "Where did the time go? How did we get here so fast?" I tell mother's of little ones this all the time. . . savor every moment, because it FLIES by!

I remember people telling me that too, but I never realized how true those words were. I have two "children" who are already parents themselves, raising little ones of their own. I also have one son who is almost 21, a United states Marine, and on his way to Afghanistan in the next few months, and my baby boy, a Senior in High School! Where did the time go? I found myself staring at their art work on the refrigerator today, in this customer's house, wishing with everything in me that I could go back, that I could somehow turn back the hands of time to when they were little and do it all again. When my customer came in the kitchen to apologize to me for the "scene" her boys made, I assured her that she needn't apologize, and I explained to her that if I could go back to when my kids were that age again, enjoy their childhood all over again, and not have to face my son's deployment right now, I would do it in a heartbeat! As I spoke to her my voice cracked and all of my attempts to hold back the tears failed. She stood in her kitchen with me and cried with me!

Some of my customers are just amazing people! She cried for me and what I will be facing in the coming months, and she cried for her, and her son's who will one day very very soon be grown up too. This life is just a breath! And I for one, am not wasting a minute of it!

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A MARINE MOM WHEN. . .

You Know You Are A Marine Mom When...

1. Your last good night's sleep was 6 months before he left for bootcamp.

2. You have finally resigned yourself to the fact that Marine mail is delivered seasonally rather than daily.

3. Your Marine gives you ironing tips.

4. Your Marine's version of pneumonia is "It's just a cold, I'm fine."

5. You realize the Marine Corps' cure-all is Motrin.

6. The mere word "deployment" has you on the phone refilling your Xanax.7. You can't quite figure out what non-Marine mothers worry about.

8. You finally realize that Drill Instructors are not the anti-Christ and are more like heroes.

9. You've mailed at least a few packages that have been on around-the-world tours.10. You forgot there were TV stations other than Fox News.

11. You find yourself bragging to friends about your Marine's accuracy with an M-16.

12. You will get in a high speed chase just to catch up with someone's Marine Corps bumper sticker.

13. When everything in your closet has Marine Mom on it and if it doesn't, you put pins and yellow ribbons on it.

14. When you recognize the haircut and ask if you can have a hug because your son is deployed.

15. Someone says to you "My son has a high ASVAB and a great GP so after he leaves PI for CL and finishes his MOS at the SOI he is going to try for MSG." and it makes sense to you.

16. When you don't mind watching military movies even though you hated them growing up.

17. You tell your nephews they need a "high and tight".

18. You and your husband buy a "good" flagpole for the front yard for Christmas and fly the American flag and the USMC flag 24/7, lighted, and money is no object.

19. You buy cadence CDs and listen to them when you power walk.

20.Your friends and family always start conversations with "How is the boy?"

21. You make sure to get up early to watch the Rose Bowl Parade so you can see the Marine Band.

22. You tear up every time you see someone in uniform.

23. When you have no small children, but you search toy stores for Marine G.I. Joes and buy them.

24. When the post office personnel and mailman both know you by your first name.

25. When your son is in Afghanistan and you dial his cell phone so you can hear his voice on his outgoing message.

26. When you always know what time it is in Iraq or Okinawa or San Diego.

27. Your son has the ability to iron his own shirt...while he is wearing it!

28. You don't mind the long lines at the post office because you are NOT leaving until you get that care package mailed to your Marine.

29. You BEG his life-long best friend to do a "Tommy impression" and then everyone eats his favorite foods.

30. When the phone rings you don't answer it unless the caller ID shows it is your Marine and then you run over husband, cats, dogs, small children and little old ladies to answer the phone, no matter what injuries any of them might sustain in the process.

31. You purchase Marine shirts for grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews.

32. You have a bad day at work and your co-workers serenade you with the Marine Hymn and give you a red rose and the whole office is crying.

33. Your son, who had such a messy room growing up that it was a health hazard, informs you on a visit home that you flunked inspection because of a little dust.

34. When your Marine calls YOU for information because he knows you'll get it from the other moms online.

35. When watching the West Wing you care nothing about the plot, you are just peering closely to see the Marines in dress blues at the White House.

36.You are mopping the kitchen floor and your son walks in and says "You call that cleaning?"

37. You have a blue star banner proudly displayed in your picture window.

38. You search military websites for any news of where your son might be/has been.

39. Your email has the Iwo Jima background, an animated American flag, a "We Support Our Troops" yellow ribbon icon and plays the Marine Hymn in a continuous loop.

40. When you try to read aloud to others the "You know you are a Marine mom when..." list you can't because of the lump in your throat and the tears in your eyes.

41. You taped the Marine's Toys for Tots commercial where the little boy tells the Marine "you really are Santa Claus" and you cry every time you see it.

42. Your weather check page includes Doha, Kuwait, Baghdad, Okinawa and San Diego.

43. You stalk a man at the grocery store in a Marine cap so you can tell him about your Marine.

44. You find a way to work into every conversation that your son is a Marine."Would you like to supersize that ma'am?" "No, but speaking of super, did you know that my son is a Marine?"

45. You have to move a pile of priority mail boxes, bubble wrap, and "special: to be shipped" items to sit down in the living room.

46. You leave a special message to your Marine in your outgoing voicemail/answering machine."If this is Tommy, I miss you and I love you!"

47. You stand in the checkout line with a cart full of Easy Mac, protein bars, and Roth's donuts and people stare at you and wonder what kind of strange diet you are on.

48. You sleep with your phone in your hand.

49. The new sacker at the grocery store puts your bread in the bottom of the bag and you ask to see his Sergeant.

50.Your boss asks if you are finished with your project and you say "good to go sir!"

51. You go out to your mail box with your reading glasses and a letter opener.

52. You wait for what seems like years for that first phone call from Iraq and then when you miss it by going out for the newspaper you lay on the floor and sob uncontrollably.

53. You don't really "sweat the small stuff". Just that fact that your Marine is in the same hemisphere is enough to make you do the happy dance.

54. You insist that your Marine wear his uniform to have a family portrait taken at Sears Photography Studio.

55. Your idea of a dream date is R. Lee Ermey.

56. The proudest moment in your life is when your son calls and tells you he is the most hated DI in the platoon.

57. You tell your family that "chow" is on the table.

FROM SIFTING TO SHIFTING

Written
October 16, 2008

Luke 22:31-32 (New King James Version)
And the Lord said, "Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren."

Sift - 1 a: to put through a sieve b: to separate or separate out by or as if by putting through a sieve2: to go through especially to sort out what is useful or valuable
That word "sift" is interesting. It implies the use of a sieve. After the harvest was brought to the threshing floor, the farmers had to separate the wheat from the chaff, or foreign matter. Part of the procedure involved a process known as sifting. The farmer put the wheat or corn into a sieve. By means of a shaking process, the smaller objects – the kernels of wheat, for instance – were worked to the bottom of the sieve and fell through the mesh onto a prepared place on the ground. From here the cleaned wheat was collected into containers, while the chaff and other rubbish still in the sieve was discarded. Essential to this sifting, sorting process was the shaking of the sieve.

SHAKING is the perfect word to describe my life in the past few months. It seems as if I have had an onslaught of attacks from every side! Have you ever been in a place like that? I think it is the one place in our lives that can make us or break us where our walk with God is concerned. I have been in the place of sifting. Did you notice something about those verses? First of all Jesus tells Peter that Satan wants to sift him as wheat, BUT he assures Peter that he has prayed for him. What an amazing assurance! Jesus is praying for us as we go through the sifting! BUT, notice what He says next. . ."And when you have returned to Me. . ." What? Satan is going to sift him. . .Jesus has prayed for him. . . . To return to Him, must mean he was going to depart from Him. . .from his faith. Jesus knew Peter would depart from his faith, even if it was for a short time.


Sometimes we do that too. We may not walk away from God, but we fail in our faith. We deny Him in our words, our actions, our attitudes and in our relationships with others! I do it. . . you do it. . .Sunday School teachers do it. . . Pastors do it. . . you get my point, we are all guilty at one time or another of succombing to the sifting.


Taking a closer look at the process, sifting is not always a bad thing. It is meant to separate the wheat from all the other useless junk. It's a shaking, that's for sure, and definitely not fun. But the end result is that we are made more useful, we lose the "junk" that was holding us back. We become more purified.


Now look at the last thing Jesus said to Peter here. . ."Strengthen your brethren!" There is a qualifying that comes with the sifting!! He can now be used to strengthen his brothers in the faith! He goes from the SIFTING to the SHIFTING! Here we see a man whose faith was tried and he failed, who was sifted and then returned to his Faith and the SHIFT began! He began a great ministry to the world! He strengthened his brothers and they spread the Gospel all over the place!! They started the Church of Jesus Christ!!


Since I have spent more than the past month in sifting and have returned to Him, here begins the SHIFT! God is moving, He is moving ME! He is moving IN me and THROUGH me and so many will be strengthened because of my sifting, because the "junk" was shaken out of me!!
It sure makes you look very differently at those who are struggling with sin and their faith than what you are used to seeing them as. Instead of that poor, weak sinner, we see a mighty work in progress!! We see the sifting and can soon anticipate a shifting!! My shift is happening even as I write this!! The sifting has been hard, and the enemy would like nothing more than to re-sift and re-sift me, but the time of sifting is over and I am SHIFTING!! Just watch what God does now!!

MILITARY MOMS

The Bonds among Military Moms are bonds that no other Moms could share or understand.

It is a bond that can never be broken or torn. It is now and always.

We are Marine,we are Army, we are Navy and we are Air Force. We are the American Military Moms.

We have raised the best of the best. The Proudest of the Proud.

We have sisterhood,that no one can understand. It is the sisterhood of the Military Moms.

We cry at night,we worry 24/7 and we miss everyday. We also are Proud all year long.

When one hurts, we all hurt. When one cries, we all cry. When one is happy, we all are happy. When one is dancing, we all dance. When one is in Pain,we share the Pain. When on has a Homecoming, we all rejoice just to see them Smile.

Our Favorite color is yellow,we love our yellow ribbons & bows. Just look at our yards and home.

But most of all we Love our Red,White and Blue. It is a symbol of our Pride for our Children. And we will defend it to the end together as our bond among each other and what we share together.

We defend our children's choices and respect their jobs. Knowing deep down inside our hearts break for not having our children near.

We sacrifice more than any other mom could ever without even getting a simple little two words, "Thank You."

We miss sleep, we stay at the post office, we live by the phone, we watch the TV and stay close to the computer.

We are Military Moms. We are Proud, we are Strong, we are Special and we are Growing each day.

We share a sisterhood that is the best sisterhood in the World.

This is the Bond of the Military Moms.

I Love You All Semper Fi Now and Always !!
Unknown Author

THE UNITED STATES MARINE

The average age of a Marine is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances, is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's, but he has never collected unemployment either.He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old car and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away.He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk. He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rife in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a M-16 or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.He digs foxholes and la trines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop, or stop until he is told to march. He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient.He has two sets of camies; he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. He sometime forgets to brush his teeth, but never his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothers, and fix his own hurts.If you are thirsty, he will share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He will even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low. He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life---or take it, because that is his job.He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death than he should have in this short lifetime.He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed. He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to "square-away" those around him who have not bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful.Just as did his Father, Grandfather and Great Grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom.

Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is a United States Marine that has kept this country free for over 200 years.He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding. Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his sacrifice and commitment to duty, honor and country.

WHO'S FEEDING THE BABY?

Written August 05, 2008

Last week as I was praying. . .actually complaining, to God about my husband, "God, why doesn't he get this? Why doesn't he grow any faster in his walk with You? Why does he keep tripping up?" Yeah, I was griping! God spoke so clearly to me 2 questions that shook me to the core and had me in tears apologizing to God and my husband!! He said, "Andi, can a newborn babe feed itself? And if you stand a baby on it's feet to walk without teaching it how, and walk away, can you really be disappointed and look down on it for falling?" Two simple questions. With even simpler answers. 2 questions that have opened the door to a deeper study and an eye opening revelation of the state of the church!

WHAT HAPPENED TO TRUE DISCIPLESHIP? I remember when I first started in my walk with the Lord. There were so many people ready and willing to take the time to talk and study WITH me and feed me and eventually teach me how to feed myself the Word of God! Getting together was an almost daily thing. And definitely when I had a question or needed prayer, they were right there! It was prevalent in the church. People were excited about caring for and nurturing the "newborns". And the newborns eventually learned to hold their own bottle and feed themselves, and then they moved on to finger foods and well, you get the idea!

But as you look at a newborn baby, in all reality that baby is completely dependant on it's caregivers for everything! What happens to a newborn if you set a bottle down in front of it and say "Here ya go! Drink it!" and walk away? That baby has NO IDEA what to do with that bottle! Nor does it have the ability to even pick it up and try! Eventually that milk is going to spoil and that baby is going to starve! It is much the same when we throw a Bible or a study outline at a newborn Christian and say, "Here, study this!" WHAT? HOW?

For some reason we all think we are way too important and way to busy to sit down and hold the bottle in the baby's mouth! I remember when my children were infants. I made the decision to breastfeed all of them, and when they were hungry, it did not matter what I was doing at the time, or how "important" I thought it was, I had to STOP what I was doing and sit down with my baby and provide the nourishment it needed to grow. I may have been frustrated at first, especially if what I was doing, I thought was really important. But the second I sat down and began feeding them and looking into their eyes I knew my PRIMARY responsibility was to feed that baby, and I WANTED to!

If we don't feed the babies two major things happen. First they do not get the vital nutrients they need to grow and they get malnourished and sick and eventually die! Secondly, they lose a taste for the food, they lose their hunger!! Have you ever gone a long time without eating? I have. I was anorexic a few years ago, and after a few days I wasn't even hungry any more, and the smell and taste of food did not appeal to me at all. When we fail to properly and TIMELY feed the newborns, they will lose their taste for the food!! And then we stand back and wonder why they are not eating, why they are not looking for the food? Why they are not hungry? SERIOUSLY??

I believe God wants us to stand back and take a good long look at what we are REALLY doing to nurture the newborns and assure their success and growth in the Kingdom! Let's be honest, we are DROPPING THE BALL folks, and then we wonder why people are falling, and falling away!! IT IS OUR FAULT! Let's stop being so busy being BUSY and take care of the babies!! What you are doing is not THAT important!! NOT more important than feeding the babies!! NO ONE gives birth and walks away and expects that baby to survive!

Come on Church!! Thier survival depends on US! ALL OF US!!

WHAT THE VENTI??

Written February 07, 2008

OK, so I did it. . .today was the day. . .as many times as I swore I would not do it, I did! Standing at the counter at the Starbucks in my Kroger's store (yeah, amazing where these things pop up!), I ordered the largest coffee they have and actually said the word. . .Venti!! I swore for a long time I would never do that. I resisted with everything in me. . . "I'll have the largest you got." I'd say in a somewhat rebellious tone, as if even though I am drinking the coffee in the one-of-a-kind cups with the handy little sleeve, AND paying 4 bucks for it, I would still not join the ranks of those people who proudly parade themselves around with their to-go cups, looking more important than they are. But I said it!! The word that, by uttering it, somehow makes you an official part of this crazy 4-bucks-a-cup coffee drinkers "club". I just know it does! I never had a problem with their medium cup, a Grande'. . .I could say "Grande'" I mean any woman who has ever shopped for clothes outside of the junior department knows what that word is! But "Venti". . . ohhhhhh boy. . .

Let's go back a few years. About 10 years ago or maybe a little more, I was on a visit to a hospital to minister to a family whose loved one was having surgery. I had been to other hospitals in the area doing this work, but this one was new to me. As my ministry partner and I walked into the lobby, there it was! A coffee bar!! I had never seen one before! It resembled many of the bars (the drinking ones) I had been in years ago. The mirror behind a shelf full of big glass bottles with fancy labels, neon lights adding some allure to the place. I was a coffee drinker already, and was totally enthralled by what I was seeing. My friend asked me if I wanted to stop and get something. . . sure! Why not? I saw "Esspresso" on the menu and wondered if that meant they made it real fast, or you drink it real fast? My friend laughed and told me that it was just a strong kind of coffee. Stronger? HA! I was the one who added two extra scoops of Folgers to my coffee maker in the morning! I'll show you stronger!! So I got one! A DOUBLE! By the time we reached the patients room I had finished my coffee. We ministered to the family, prayed with them and headed back to the parking garage. I kept noticing that my friend was lagging behind me as we made our way down the long halls of the hospital. "Are you OK?" I asked her, "You are going kind of slow." She laughed at me and told me she would need to be running to keep up with my pace! "No, I'm not going that fast! Do you really think I am walking that fast? Because I thought you were walking slow and I was wondering why you were slowing down because I thought maybe you felt bad and if you felt bad all you had to do was tell me and I would slow down or we could stop and sit, or you could stop and sit and I could go get the car and . . . " My heart was absolutely racing!! I was going 100+ miles an hour!! On the way home I would have sworn that I could have gotten out of the car and ran faster than the car was going all the way home!!

To say the least that was my first and last experience with this unusual coffee world for years to come! Oh sure I had known folks who always had a gourmet coffee in their hand, but secretly laughed at them for having such a stupid obsession. I mean I experimented with it that day at the hospital and it didn't really do much for me except speed things up for a while.

Then about 6 months ago my husband and I picked up a cleaning contract with Barnes and Nobel. Well, little did I know that they had a cafe' in the bookstore which serves Starbucks coffee!! So, here and there I was offered coffees to try and it did not take long before I was hooked! Around the holidays I fell in love with the Peppermint Mocha. . .only to have my dreams dashed to pieces when Christmas passed and the Peppermint Mocha went back to wherever the special falvored coffees go when it is not their season. I mean, what is this?? It's not fruit or something!! It's a flavor for goodness sake!! (OK I might still be a little bitter). So, I went back to my Cafe' Mocha. Oh I tried the other flavors, but nothing captured my tastebuds like the Peppermint Mocha~till next Christmas my friend. . . .

OH! Err. . . .so anyway, The more time I spent around the cafe's and coffee bars, the more terminology I heard. . ."dirty chai". . . what's that? Do they drop your drink on the floor and suck it up? No, I found out it is a type of tea with a shot of espresso in it. . .Oh come on! Do you want coffee or tea? Make up your mind!! No way I will ever be one of THOSE people with all their terminology. Cafe' Mocha was good enough for me!! I also started hearing people call for double shots! SHOTS? What is this a bar?? Oh yeah. . . it kind of is, isn't it? TWO shots of espresso?? Ohhhhhohohohhhhooooo, I have been there and done tha! NO WAY I will ever do THAT again!! I remember the day I overheard an order that took my breath away. . .and apparantly it did the same for everyone in the Cafe', because every head turned to see who it was that made the order and there was a gasp in the crowd followed by a hush that would make a monk nervous! A dirty chai. . . QUAD SHOT!! Quad shot??? Who the heck does a quad shot?? I never knew anyone to do that with whiskey, let alone esspresso!! The woman must have grown used to the response because she turned to everyone around her and said, "I know, I know. . .it's for my husband." Hmmmm, but he was nowhere to be seen. . . Maybe he was climbing the walls somewhere in the bookstore??

Well, of course then I started getting "cravings" for the stuff. Like getting a "fix", I would send my husband down the street to Krogers to get me a Cafe' Mocha! I am guilty of contributing to getting my step-daughter hooked on Cinnamon Dolce' (which is dreamy by the way!)
Which brings us to today. The day it all became painfully real to me. . .when I went to the counter and ordered a "Venti" (that's french I think for "the biggest one you got!") I did not even think about it! It just slipped out before I could stop it! Like a runaway train headed for a cliff! Like a wild tornado out of control. . .I said it!! "Cafe' Mocha, Venti please."

sssscccrreeeeeeeccchhhhhh! Suddenly everything was in slow motion, I was hearing it over and over again in my mind, in MY voice!! My life flashed before my eyes. . .well, not my whole life, just the past 6 months of the downward Starbuck's spiral. . . How did I get here?!? How do I kick this thing?! It's bad when you start adding cocoa mix to your coffee because you can't get to a Starbucks!! I am not sure of the answer to that. . .but I do know one thing. . .I need a coffee! Anyone for Starbucks?

OOPS!

Written January 29, 2008

I ran into a few of those burned out brain cells last night!! One of my friends, Ronni called me and we talked for a while and I decided to get ready for bed while she was still telling me about her latest project. I set my coffee pot up for the morning, did all my nightly things like turning off lights and things. Then I began looking around for my cell phone to plug it in. I went from room to room, looking in all of the places I normally lay it down. After my second round through the house without finding it I started getting that "Where the heck is it?" feeling and looking a little more frantically. Upon my second trip into the bedroom my husband gets my attention and says, "What are you looking for?" Since Ronni was still talking I mouthed the words to him with the appropriate concerned facial expressions and flailing arms, "I can't find my cell phone!" He looked at me like I was really strange. "What?" I snapped, getting really frustrated at his lack of volunteering to help me. . . .To which he answered, "Ummmm, you are talking on it." Yeah, yeah, we all got a good laugh!! LOL!

RELEASE THE OFFENDER

Written July 12, 2007

Only God knows both sides of the story. The fears, the past wounds, the generational conditioning, the weaknesses, the insufficiencies of character and integrity. He knows the things that we failed to notice—the things that should have warned us to guard our hearts. Only God knows the hidden motives and unspoken regrets of the one who hurt you—their sickness, their brokenness.

The assumptions we make usually do more damage than the truth: "He doesn't even notice how much he hurt me!" "How could he be so cold?" "How could they just ignore my cries for help and walk away?" "Doesn't anyone see my pain?" Our imaginations can be unmerciful. Trust me, it's never what you think. Your guesses will always be more cruel than the reality of what really transpired, adding unnecessary injury to insult.

You must let it go. You need to forgive, not for the sake of the one who hurt or violated you—for your own. It's time to redirect your focus and move on. And you won't be able to do that if you continue to nurse and rehearse your anger, the many wrongs done against you, all the reasons why. If you can't forgive for your own sake, forgive for God's sake. He needs your hands open in order to bless you. Cooperate.

The one who wronged you does not deserve so much of your time, energy or attention. Your fixation is standing in the gap between that person and God, shielding him from conviction. Move out of the way. Free him to receive the proper correction from God. Free yourself to receive your healing. Forgive because you need to be forgiven. How can you expect what you are unable to give yourself! Forgive my dear sister, because you are not alone. We have all been prisoners of our unspoken pain and suffering.

So come and join us on the other side. Choose to forgive because it is what God requires of you, and it is what is best. He will help you to forgive from your heart and not just from your head. Ask Him for strength to release your offender, for to release him (or her) is to release yourself. Trust God to free you from your anger and your pain and from all the questions that continually assault your mind. Let Him speak words of comfort to you and assure you that He has taken heed to the things that have transpired. Although you may never forget what has happened, He will enable you to forgive even as He has forgiven you.

THE CHOICE IS YOURS. . .AND SO ARE THE RESULTS!

Written September 28, 2007

You know, all through life we have challenges, trials, things that try to crush our hearts and spirits, things that try to cause us to live in fear, anger, bitterness. . . ALL of these things are designed to get our eyes off of God and on to our SELVES. But I have made a discovery!!
IF we will keep our eyes on HIM. IF we will press in to a closer relationship and dependance on HIM. IF we will put our full focus on HIM. . .EVERY situation that is meant to try to pry us away from Him, even if only for a time to focus on our problems, anger, fears, etc. . . will fade in the beautiful light of HIS glory!! HE will remove all fear!! IF we choose to let go of all of our disappointments, anger, bitterness, broken dreams and let HIM have them, HE will come in and bring a healing to our hearts and minds so wonderful that we will be amazed at the pure love and compassion that will flow through our hearts toward even the ones who have caused our hurt!!
The key word here is IF!! The choice is ours. God sets before us life and death, blessing and cursing. There is no one else to blame in this world if we choose to hang on to things and our lives reap the consequesnces. "But I have a right to be mad, fearful, etc. . ." Well, you have a right to make that choice. Believe me, I have had so many opportunities in my life to be angry, injured, fearful, and I did for a long time!! I was molested as a child, beaten as a young mother and raped and gang raped and a number of other abuses throughout the years! I have had sickness ravage my body to the point where I feared for my life!! But every time, God placed before me a CHOICE. I could walk in love, forgiveness and place my trust in Him, and live my life set apart for Him, OR I could hang on to my hurt (and believe me I was hurt badly! TRAUMATIZED!) and live my life separated from God and His best for me.
I did not always make the right choice, and trust me, it took a toll on me emotionally, spiritually and even physically!! "For I see you are POISONED by bitterness and BOUND by iniquity." Acts 8:23 The word iniquity here is adikia, which means misdeeds, injustice, moral wrongdoing, unjust acts, unrighteousness. It is the opposite of truthfulness, faithfulness and rightness. Unforgiveness can lead us down paths we would never have imagined we would travel. But forgiving others (Which is a COMMAND from God REGARDLESS of the offense!) will flush the poison of bitterness out of your body, mind and spirit!! He wants us healthy in every aspect of our lives and He knows full well the damage bitterness and unforgiveness can do!!
I am here to tell you first hand, this is no easy task!! I am challenged by it often!! And so many times I think "Surely God, You know that this time I have a right to be mad and hurt, and surely You see the injustice here!" But He is not looking for us to give Him our excuses as to why we are not choosing LIFE!! He gave us His Word, He has laid the choice before us and even tells us which one to choose!! It is never easy, but when we turn our hearts and minds toward God, HE will carry us through it to a place where we know our hearts and minds are free from the poisoning effects of unforgiveness and anger and bitterness.
When you are hurt, slandered, lied about, put down, abused, you have a choice!! You can walk the path that God has placed before you that guarantees healing and victory, OR you can choose to hang on, feed the fire, and be misierable. But be aware of this one thing. . .there is NO middle ground here! NO fence riding!! No walking closely with God AND walking in unforgiveness!! Listen to the words of Jesus - Matt. 6:15 - But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins; leaving them, letting them go and giving up on resentment], NEITHER WILL YOUR FATHER FORGIVE YOU YOUR TRESPASSES. (Amplified)
That is pretty straightforward, He leaves no room for excuses! His standards are not blurry, they are pretty clear. Thank God when we choose to walk in the way He has shown us, He does not expect us to do it alone!! He is right there to help us!! Every step of the way! He is not a harsh and heavy taskmaster, He is a loving Father who knows what effect these things can have on our lives and how much they can steal from us in every area of our lives!! He wants the best for us, which is why when He tells us to choose, He also shows us how to choose the best thing for us to give us a happy and healthy life!
After doing this study I find this a necessary thing. . .to examine my heart daily and make sure that I am not holding on to anything that will make me sick spiritually, physically or emotionally!! I want the life God has for me! So, I CHOOSE to do it His way!! The way of LIFE!!

OUTSIDE THE BOX

When thinking of the "box", I am reminded of an issue God had dealt with me on a few months back, but it is a little different take on the subject here of the "box".
One Sunday morning before church I was home in my living room praying for the service and God clearly spoke to me saying, "Take ME out of the box!" I thought, "Lord, I am NOT a religious person, I have a very real relationship with you, I don't go through all of the formalities and rituals of traditional religion." But what He showed me was that even if we call ourselves "contemporary" Christians, or we attend "spirit-filled" churches, if we are not VERY careful, we build our box around God according to how we think our services should go. We limit the Holy Spirit by our programs. No, our bulletins do not contain a schedule of how our services with be conducted, that would be too traditional. . .but I bet most of us could write that bulletin and step-by-step describe how the service is going to go. We tend to become comfortable in our way of doing things, and in thus doing, we "box" God in and limit Him to only doing what we will allow and what we are comfortable with. That is all the same from a traditional, ritualistic ceremony in a stained glass sanctuary, to the contemporary, biker, "all are welcome" type church, and even to the "spirit-filled", pentecostal type church. I thought of myself as the furthest thing from traditional, until God spoke to me that morning and told me that we are continually building traditions and conducting services the way we think they should go, whether our traditions are considered contemporary or not. We are putting God in a box! If we could only tear the lid off of that box and allow the Holy Spirit to have His way in every area, every service, every prayer time, every time of worship. . .WOW! What amazing things we will begin to see from the hand of God!
I can remember a time about 10 years ago when I would get butterflies in my stomach on my way to church in anticipation of what God was going to do! I went to a church where the Holy Spirit had full reign, and there wasn't a Sunday that passed that I did not leave changed and touched by the teaching and ministry that was brought forth by the Spirit of God! But even that church got complacent, and put God in a box without even knowing it!
I have finally found a place where I am now that I am once again getting excited in anticiaption, wondering what God is going to do! I enter my prayer time and time in the Word with the same attitude of heart. HE is in control!
I have found it takes a concerted effort to keep God out of the box! It is our human nature to find some kind of comfort area for everything in our lives. But if we focus and determine to follow God and take the limitations off of Him, what amazingly glorious things we will see and experience!! Remember, the Holy Spirit is a gentleman, He will not push where He is not welcome to do so.
It just dawned on me that if we can keep ourselves from putting God in that box, the rest of our lives will follow suit and we will naturally, as followers of Him, not be limited to the "box" either!

ALL I NEED IS YOU!

Originally posted Dec. 30, 2007


OK, so I have had quite a few opportunities lately to share my testimony of how God set me free from an addiction to nicotine. . .so I thought now would be a good time to blog it. As many of you know, and some of you may not know, nicotine is more addictive than heroine. So kicking it is extremely hard. For me, it was impossible. I know, I tried many times. I even tried a six week on-line program offered by the American Lung Association. Didn't work for me. BUT, there is a God Who makes impossibilities become reality and I call Him Daddy!! He is my God and I am about to tell you what He can do!

On June 25th of 2006 I was in a church service at my church, AHOP in Xenia. It was a day just like any other Sunday. Worship was rockin as usual! But suddenly, I felt God speaking to my heart. "Take your cigarettes out of your purse and give them to Pastor Mark." Who happened to be worshipping just 5 feet from where I was. It was so clear it startled me! I thought to myself that it couldn't be God asking me to do that. After all He knows I tried and tried to give them up. "I said, 'Take your cigarettes out of your purse and give them to Pastor Mark.'" Oh boy! Now I KNEW it was God because my heart was about to pound out of my chest and I could not ignore it!
SO, I decided to try to "reason" with God "God, You know I would love to be able to quit, but I've tried. And if I hand Mark my smokes, as soon as I get out of here I am gonna be a hypocrite because I know I will want one so badly, and I won't be able to resist the addiction. . .especially since my husband smokes too." Good argument huh? Yeah, it didn't work with God!! "Take your cigarettes out of your purse and hand them to Pastor Mark." He wasn't budging. I thought I had come up with some pretty solid arguments, but He wasn't seeing things my way!
I must have argued with Him through 2 or 3 songs. . .yeah, I knew my addiction and the power it had over me, I just didn't KNOW the power of my GOD! Then the worship team began to sing a song called "All I Need Is You", originally recorded by Hillsong United. Then God really began to minister to me.
"You know Andi, I love you, and I want you free from this addiction that is killing you and stealing your money. I understand you cannot do it yourself, and I don't expect you to. I need you to trust Me. I am all you need Andi. You don't need those cigarettes, and if you will give them to Pasor Mark like I am asking you to, I will set you free. You will never want one again!"
That was it! If I know anything in this life it is that I can completely trust my Father! I turned and unzipped my purse and grabbed the pack out of it. Frank looked at me like, "WHAT are you doing?" I just smiled at him and turned toward my pastor and walked over and put my pack of cigarettes on his chest, holding them there with one finger, looked him in his eyes and said, "I don't need these anymore Pastor Mark! HE is all I need!" He smiled and took the cigarettes and put them in his shirt pocket and hugged me and gave me a big high 5!! I went back to my seat and worshipped God with all my heart!
Once worship was coming to a close, Pastor Mark went to the stage and shared with everyone what I had just done. . . the place absolutely ERUPTED in praise!! The band continued to play. He threw the cigarettes on the ground and stomped on them, then threw them in the aisle and invited anyone with addictions, life controlling problems or any area in their life where they needed to put the devil under their feet, to come up and as a symbol to God and the devil stomp on those cigarettes and claim victory over whatever it is they are going through!! People began coming up one at a time faster and faster until their was a line of people waiting. The band played and played songs of praise and worship, people got out of their seats and worshipped, there were people all over the auditorium praying for one another. Some were weeping and some were shouting. People were being set free from all kinds of things!! This went on for two hours!! And the aisle filled up with cigarette packs! Pastor Mark never preached that day. . .as he put it, he "stepped aside and GOD preached!" What an amazing day that was!! So many people came and thanked me for being obedient to what God said. That one little act of obedience cut the place loose in God and He moved in such an amazing way!! People were changed that day, never to be the same. I know I was!
Maybe you are wondering what happened after the service when I walked out of the building and went home. NOTHING!! That's right, not even once since that day have I EVER even had the smallest incling of a desire for a cigarette!! As a matter of fact the smell makes me sick to my stomach and gives me headaches! I think God did that to keep me free from that addiction ever coming back!!
Now that song is a special love song between me and my God! It's "our song".
Yes, freedom feels great!!!

GOING HOME!

Written March 11, 2007

I received this e-mail today from my friend Jeanne in Cahokia, Illinois. A very close friend of ours from church passed away a few weeks ago, Cindy Pennington. I was unable to travel to her funeral because of work, but I was not aware of this amazing event until Jeanne sent me this e-mail today. I remember Mr. Braun from funerals I had attended during my time in Cahokia, and he is definitely all business as she says. Read and be blessed and encouraged!!

Andi


Dear Family & Friends,

I would like to share with you the passing of my friend, Cindy Pennington. She passed away Saturday ,February 24, departing this life to go home to be with the Lord. She loved the Lord with all her heart. A rare cancer had debilitated her and she had hospice at home the last couple of weeks.
The story I want to tell you was told by the funeral director of Braun Colonial Funeral Home here in Cahokia. Anyone familiar with Mr. Braun knows he is very professional, carefully efficient and unemotional in all his duties. All the essential qualities of an undertaker, practical and all business. This however was about to change. The Saturday Cindy died, her husband Bob had called Mr. Braun to take Cindy to the funeral parlor and prepare her body for viewing. When the undertaker arrived, he entered the room to find the hospice bed empty, but over on the couch was Cindy with two women, one sitting on each side of her. Cindy sat there with her head on one of the ladies' shoulders. He thought how odd this was. How very strange indeed! When he turned around to talk to Bob who was by the hospice bed, he looked at the bed and there lie Cindy, dead in the bed. Looking back, the couch was empty and the women were no where to be found. He was visibly shaken by this event, remarking that, in all his years, he had never experienced such a sight! I know he had witnessed a glorious glimpse into eternity: the homecoming of one of God's children... Angels sent to bring Cindy home.This was a heavenly witness to the funeral director, who solemnly told the tale with wavering voice as he was moved to tears... Cindy went home to be with the Lord! I wont say she's finally at peace because she found the Prince of Peace long before that. God is real and his Son, Jesus, died on the cross for your sins. To know Him is to have the greatest gift! We who know the Lord have the promise of going to be with Him in heaven. I say to all of you who know Jesus Christ as your personal savior, never stop talking of Him! Tell your parents, husbands, wives, children, nieces, nephews, cousins, and friends. Don't be ashamed of the gospel.
Never stop talking about Him... Even when people who you love or don't even know, think you're just a religious nut. Remember you are not alone because He has sent His angels to watch over you. You are an heir of salvation! Never stop... Keep praying for your loved ones! Parents remember, there is much truth in the parable of the prodigal son ( or daughter). They will come home.

WHO IS JESUS?

"Who is Jesus?" You ask? Well, let me tell you who He is to me!
He is not just a baby laying in a manger; He is not just the man hanging on a cross. He is my Friend, my BEST Friend! He is NOT a list of rules and regulations; He is LOVE. Ultimate, passionate, unconditional LOVE.
He is not stuffy, uncool, or a party pooper. . . He IS the party! He is the dance in my feet, the shout in my voice, the smile on my face, the pure joy in my heart!
He is the One who when I walked away from Him, refused to let me go! I ran from Him into the bars, into adultry, into drugs and alcohol. . . I was lost! But He not only waited for me with open arms for my return. . .He CHASED me!! Everywhere I went He was there; protecting me, crying for me, desperately wanting me back in His arms! Not so He could control me. . . .ohhh no, He is not that kind of love. . . He is pure love, He wants me to have the BEST and most fulfilling and happy life! He wants to shower me with His gifts and hold me in His arms!
He is the filler of the gap! What is the gap? That hole in your heart. The one we all try to fill with more drinks, more sex, more shopping, more toys, more clothes, more shoes. . . the list goes on and on. . . but that hole never gets filled with those things. It is never enough! We still search for the thing that will complete us, fill that hole in our hearts. But it is still there, no matter how much we have.
Only HE can fill that hole! It is like a puzle piece that is missing in our lives and everything we try just does not fit in that space. That's because HE is the missing piece and only He can fill the space! And boy does He!!
It doesn't matter if I have money or not, it doesn't matter if I drive a nice car or not, or what kind of neighborhood I live in, or what clothes I wear. . .I am happy! Because I have Jesus!
He rocks my world! He amazes me every day with His love for me!
And you know, He loves you too!! He wants to wrap His arms around you and love on you! He wants to be a Father, Brother and Friend to you. He is chasing you my friend!! Stop running, and let Him love you like you have never been loved before! Talk to Him, it is as easy as talking to a friend. You don't have to know fancy words or phrases. To be quite honest, He doesn't really like that much, He would rather hear your heart! He would rather you talk yo Him as a friend, because that is who He wants to be to you! The best friend you will ever have!
Just ask Him to come into your heart and life. Ask Him to show you Himself, and to show you the right place to go and learn more about Him. Ask Him to forgive you for all the stupid junk in your life that you did trying to fill that hole. He knows. He knows you were just trying to fill that space where He belongs. He understands that everything left you empty. . . it was supposed to!! Because He knew eventually you would be ready to let Him fill it for you, and eventually someone would introduce you to Him and you wouldn't have to search any more!
You know the one awesome thing I found out about Him? No matter how long we live, even when we are living for Him, we are gonna screw up, we are gonna fall back, but the great thing is, He doesn't look at us in shame and shake His head. . .nope. . . religion teaches that, but it is so far from the truth. He looks down at us as we lay on the ground getting messed up in the mudpuddle of whatever it is, and He smiles, leans down and reaches His hand down to us to help us back up. He washes the dirt and grime off of us and then holds our hand and keeps walking with us. He fully knows something will distract our attention and we will let go of His hand again and wind up on the ground. . . again. And He fully knows He will be right there, still smiling, still holding out His hand to lift us back up. I have found out that it is not about being perfect, or looking a certain way or talking a certain way. Religion wants to teach you that. They want to hand you a set of rules. . .cut your hair, wear these clothes, talk this lingo, follow MY rules! Yeah. . .right! I can see why Jesus hated religion when He was here on this earth! It hurt people, it led them away from who He really was. It gave people a completely wrong perception of God. The most awesome thing about Him? He loves you exactly right where you are right now. No, I mean He REALLY, PASSIONATELY loves you where you are right now! That is an amazing love!! We don't have to clean up and get our lives straight before we can walk in a church and live a Christian life. We live a Christian life while HE cleans us up! And that "cleaning up" takes a lifetime!! I have learned to relax and let God be God. I used to beat myself up all the time. I didn't read the Bible enough, I didn't pray enough, I wasn't involved enough. . . blah, blah, blah. . . He is concerned with your heart. Not your outward performance!! Once your heart is on track, it will show on the outside. There will be changes. . . but NOT perfection! If we can absorb that and give ourselves a friggin break, we can relax and enjoy this relationship with Him like He meant us to!
He loves you more than you could fathom!! He gave His life, let Himself be beaten and bloody, and let the people kill Him, so that you could know Him. His death on the cross was so that you could have the opportunity to go to Heaven and not Hell. But not just that. . .it was so that you could know Him, intimately. I am telling you, He will blow your mind! He will rock your world! Just give Him a chance, you'll see!!