THE POWER OF LISTENING

Have you ever been in a very emotionally difficult situation? The death of a loved one? Bad news from the doctors? A child walking in darkness? During those times, we have all experienced well-meaning, advise from those who are trying to help make us feel better. Sometimes we have even been the one rambling on with advise, and rattling off scripture in an effort to encourage those who are hurting. I have been on both sides of this fence in my lifetime, and God has taught me a simple, yet profoundly powerful lesson: LISTEN. Unless God has given you a specific word to speak, the most powerful and loving thing you can do is listen.

I remember being in Hospital Ministry and getting calls in the wee hours of the morning to come minister to families in the ER who had just lost a loved one. The first time I was called in, I rehearsed exactly what to say on the way to the hospital, reciting just the right scriptures. . . I wanted to do this just right. After 5 minutes of me rambling on with my empty, useless 'words of wisdom', getting blank stares from the family, I took a deep breath, dropped my head and said, "I'm sorry. I'm not very good at this. Can I just sit with you all for a while?" I sat and put my arms around some of them, passed them tissues, looked in their eyes as they told stories of this family member's life. I LISTENED. And in the end we all prayed together. And each of them in their own way, let me know how much it meant to them that I did that. As I drove home a few hours later, I remembered all of the rehearsing I had done in the car on the way there, and I had to laugh. I said, "Lord, it's that easy? I mean, this takes all the pressure off. I just have to LISTEN?" And He spoke so clearly to my heart, "Andi, they don't need you to have all of the answers. They don't need you to make things better. You can't. Nothing you say will change their situation. They need love, and comfort. They need to be able to talk about and cry and deal with their deep pain. They just need you to listen."

Sometimes I think we can get so caught up in trying to have all the answers, that we forget to represent THE Answer to people. Jesus Christ. Instead we represent all of our religiousness and Bible-knowledge and piety, and we think we are doing people a favor. We have brought Jesus no where near to their pain and suffering. We have left Him completely out of it.

When my Dad passed away I was devastated. My brother called and told me and I dropped the telephone and fell in a heap on the ground sobbing. I had never hurt so deeply in my life. I couldn't stop crying. And it was from the deepest parts of my gut, crying out. I cried out to God standing in my front yard looking up at the stars. I sat on my front porch swing and held my stomach and doubled over in pain. The deepest emotional pain I can ever remember feeling. My daughter sat next to me and just put her hand on my back. She kept it there while I expressed how hurt I was, how much I loved my dad and how much I would miss him. She did not try to give me the right answers, or tell me it was going to be OK, or tell me I wasn't really trusting God. (really people?). She gently and quietly let me know she was there, and that meant more to me than any words or advise ever could.

Listening is the most powerful gift we can offer people who are facing life altering situations. But, when we do open our mouths, the most powerful words we can speak are those we have heard directly and clearly from God Himself. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else. Our job is not to impress people. It is to bring healing from God to their hurting hearts. Last week I found out my Marine son is training to go to war in Afghanistan. I sent out a prayer request through email to close friends and family, including my Pastor. I am so very blessed to have a Pastor who will only speak in these situations what He hears God saying. If he doesn't hear from God, he is not going to say something just to try to make you feel better. He knows the effort will be vain and the words without power to heal. He is a great listener. He sent me back an email, probably no more than 10 words, every one of them direct from Heaven. And those words gave me EXACTLY what I needed to hold on to through this deployment. And as I pray and search God's heart in those words, it is opening up so much more to me that God has in this. When I sent out the email I rambled on about the war in Afghanistan and how intense the battle is getting. I talked a lot. I needed to. I needed to express to those I am entrusting to pray for my son and for us, his family, to understand fully the gravity of the situation. He emailed back and offered the answer God gave him to give me. And it has already brought so much comfort and strength.

So, let go of "performance pressure", and become a listener. It is the most loving thing you can do for hurting people. And trust God to give you the right words to speak, IF He thinks you need to say anything at all. Trust Him to bring the comfort and healing. He will come through every time, even if all you do. . . is listen.